According to my wife, my family, her family, and her multiple friends the following things kill infants.
If I....smoke a smelly cigar...the baby will die
If I....turn my air conditioner way up in summer...the baby will die
If I....turn my heat way up in winter...the baby will die
If I....come home drunk...the baby will die
If I....listen to loud music...the baby will die
If I....listen to a movie loudly...the baby will die
If I....get bored and give one of them an olive...the baby will die
If I....get bored and give them any spaghetti...the baby will die
If I....put one on my shoulder...the baby will die
If I....take a turn a little fast in my car...the baby will die
If I....don't change the diaper within 3 minutes of it getting soiled...the baby will die
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no offence to your family and friend and friends of friends, but according to this all my babies should be dead, in fact loud music was the only way I could get one of them to sleep...lol..tell them to lighten the f up.
ReplyDeleteI remember more-
ReplyDeleteIf you do the Daddy-tosses-baby-in-air more than 1/4" from your hands, the baby will die.
If you let the sun shine on your baby without hat, sunscreen, cover on stroller, umbrella, or window shade in car, the baby will die.
If there's a cat anywhere in your county or any county that touches your county, especially if the baby is sleeping, the baby will die.
If you give the kid a hot dog, even if cut into pieces half the size of this dot -> . <- , the baby will die and your wife will charge you and all your ancestors with murder 1. And will never never never forget to bring it up again every time she visits death row to damn you to hell.
Oh dear... Turns out I am a particularly bad wife and mother! We don't smoke or drink much a there are SID risks involved with that but only if they sleep in the room with you.
ReplyDeleteThe rest however I am guilty of. Especially DJ's throwing them in the air one. I hit the baby into the lampshade the other day. Oooops!
Oh, DJ gave me the link to you, I hope you don't mind! xo